Supplicating with confidence

Salaams,
This is what you said to me earlier:
What you keep thinking about tends to happen. That’s because the brain and the psyche are geared to achieve what you obsess about!

I obsessed about getting married and having children. I was worried about being alone and tried my darndest for that not to happen, but it did. What was at the forefront, however, was a constant determinatin: i will not reach 40 without getting married. I will not enter my middle years without having children.

Based on your thesis, it should have happened.

The problem is that you obsessed more about your fears that it won’t happen. Your brain and psyche saw two strong thoughts, one positive and another negative, and the negative was stronger, so it won.

I hope you can see why your approach to achieving your goal needs refinement. The right approach of a believing man or woman is to earnestly supplicate to God for what they wish for, work hard to exhaust all the possible material means to achieve that goal and then completely accept the outcome. That acceptance is proof of faith.

As I mentioned to you before, God has already answered your prayers. The answer is either not obvious to you in your disheartened state, or it is coming.

Have you ever prayed in congregation and the Imaam (preacher) said, ادعوا الله وأنتم موقنون بالإجابة (supplicate to God certain in the response)? The believer is certain of God’s reply to their supplication. The believer supplicates with confidence!

One of the things I really pray for is that my elderly parents remain healthy and able-bodied at least until I get married and have children (of course even beyond that, too!). I say that in every salaat, and at each time I speak to God. But last week my mother found out she had a health scare and now needs to see a surgeon to evaluate cancer. She does not want to take the further testing because it is very invasive.

I feel like I am drowning. The more I ask, the more disappointed I get. Its like the joy in life is lying at the surface of the ocean but I am struggling to get to the top. And I tried to keep the struggle at bay through my 30’s because I assumed that eventually I would get there. But now the struggle is overwhelming because it is compounded by so many other factors…my mothers’ health and longevity, my fatigue in always taking care of my own needs, my loss of someone I loved but who ultimately did not want to be with me, the loss of my childbearing years, and abandonment by my siblings and friends during a time when I am heartbroken. So I’m not getting to the top.

May God heal your mother as only He can. Please encourage her to seek all available treatments. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Take medicine, for God sent down ailment and sent with it its cure.” Narrated by Abud-Dardaa’ and reported by Abu-Daawood who rated it acceptable. At-Tirmizhi rated it soundly authentic.

The joy is not at the bottom of the ocean, it’s all around you. What you feel inside is what is blinding you to it. Millions of people have worked hard for goals that never materialized. Life handed them a lemon, but they made of it lemonade! Don’t keep tasting the lemon.

You never answered my question, “Why did your best friends abandon you?” The answer may help you fix your approach.

And I disagree that I obsessed over that – to the contrary, i obsessed over the opposite.

It was a subtle, subconscious obsession. Your supplication took you one step up the ladder, but your fears dragged you down two steps.

I know you think that the joy may lie in where I am, but everyone has a different perspective on joy. For me, joy is in being surrounded by family that loves and cares about you, and being nourished by them. Joy is being able to experience this world with people who are important to you.

Real joy is getting to Paradise. Joys of this life are fleeting. Please reflect on these verses from the holy Quran,

“And [this] the nearest life is but distraction and play. And verily, the Lasting Home (the Hereafter) is the life, if they only knew.” (29:64)

“So that you will not grieve over what missed you nor be overjoyed over what He has given you!” (57:23)

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